We all have to face our biggest fear at least once in a lifetime.
And, you know what whenever it happens, something breaks inside us. But, it also makes us stronger sometimes. I don't know why do we have to break something to make it strong.
Does it really necessary?
Does that actually make us stronger?
Or, do we just learn to hide something that we don't want to reveal?
There is always a huge list of questions with us and no one do have any answers.
You might be wondering why am I suddenly talking about our life's biggest fear. Well, because I've myself recently faced one. I thought to write a blog on this many times but refused just because I don't want to reveal anything of it yet.
I always had a fear of getting divorced but unfortunately, I am going through one right now.
Why? Why didn't I try hard?
Like I said, sometimes we don't have clear answers to few questions. And, this is one of them. It's not that I didn't tried. But you can't just keep hurting yourself & your dignity all day and night, just to make someone happy & their ego satisfied. "Marriage" is not just a typical ceremony or a casual hookup or something.
It's not that I have not tried enough. I did and really did my best. But, when a relationship becomes all about one person and not the both then it doesn't survive at all. Especially, when there is no sign of progress after continuous efforts.
What is "Marriage" for me?
For me, Marriage is a long-lasting relationship between 2 people and their families. It unites them to be together when there is no one else left to support. That unity between those 2 people is more than any other unity they have with anyone else. This blossoms with a tiny plant and grows into a tree with strong roots and fruits on it.
I am not being practical here while talking about such shitty metaphors. But, this is my belief and may be that's the reason I am getting divorced. Because, my ex-wife was too much practical on such things and her beliefs were way too different than mine.
There is noone's fault here obviously. But, this incident took out something of me.
Today, let me share a secret, maybe it's mine or most of the males. A husband doesn't want to break his marriage. He can try so hard in making it successful, can work double shifts to ensure her life-partner is happy. He may not be buying a new shirt or jeans for himself but is willing to bring a new suit-saree or dress for her love, sometime on the name of special occasions & sometimes just like that. But, all he wants some respect, trust, love & care from his life-partner. No matter what it takes to ensure mutual understanding & trust, a husband can go too far for it. But, what if he doesn't get it back? What if after all of that, there is still a lack of understanding & trust between them? It only leads to disasters.
I am not being a feminist or anti-feminist here but usually a husband can bear all the pain by himself, doing all the hard work to earn money so that he could give a better life to his wife. Doing job or business is not necessary for them if they have enough wealth to stay happy and are willing to live together for their entire life. But sorry to say, today everyone thinks that if wife is a home-maker then it's husband's fault and it is husband who is killing the dreams of her wife.
But, what about the dreams of a husband?
All a husband wants is true love and a happy life with his soulmate, his life-partner. What about that dream?
Or, if the wife is working, only then so-called society will say that the couple is happy.
How to make your marriage successful?
According to me, to make any marriage successful, we need to have:
Without these, there is nothing in a relationship. And, how should one start or I would say how does it start?
Every new relationship usually starts with "Respect". If two people respects each other then they can live together. While living together, they start "Caring" for each other. It's like the good old days when arranged marriages were the only arrangements available and the to-be couples don't know anything about each other. With care & respect, they both start "understanding" each other and with that some "feelings and emotions" start taking their shape to become a "long-lasting love".
It takes time to develop these feelings but I think that should be acceptable because such relationships last longer and a marriage is meant to be for the lifetime, not just some short-term gig.
For some people, this may sound like a grandpa advice. But, this is what I believe and is true from my perspectives. If you have different thoughts, please let me know in the comments box below.
Indian Divorce Laws - A Big Shame
As I said that I've been going through divorce. During this process, I came to know the reality of the divorce laws in India and how they are meant for the goods of wives and destruction of husbands.
No matter what, even if the wife is earning more than the husband then also they are meant for breaking down a husband financially.
And, not only financially but also psychologically and emotionally. Such laws and the so-called agents of law have it all written in a defined format that how to break & torture a husband and his family and bring all the good things to the wife and her family.
Not to mention that today it has become a kinda of business for the girls. I don't want to reveal it but my wife for this divorce proceedings has asked for ₹ x per month as her monthly maintenance while she herself doesn't have enough skills to get a job of ₹ x/20 a month. While her cost of living is less than ₹ x/50 a month.
Not to mention that today it has become a kinda of business for the girls. I don't want to reveal the details but my divorce proceedings made me realize how things have shaped today.
Do not forget that I myself doesn't earn enough a month and forget about the savings after meeting basic monthly expenses as I live & work in tier-1 city for my job. So, anyone can easily imagine how laws are meant to be for destroying the husbands.
The story is about me, being from India. We all have already seen the divorce story and court proceedings of Johnny Depp and Amber Heard.
I would now conclude my blog with a simple end note by saying that we really need changes and upgrades in our Indian Divorce Laws. I know it's not easy because we have so many law-makers, lawyers, police personnels who are making huge black money by blackmailing husbands on the name of false allegations and through their unexpected visits, just for their own sake.
This has been a fearful nightmare for me when such police personnel came to me, enquiring for my salary, asking for bribes to keep me out of jail, threatening me for putting behind bars by putting false allegations when I refused to pay bribes and so on..
Whenever I went to seek their help, even after dialling 100 (Emergency Helpline Number), all I received is nothing except the same things i.e. (1) enquiry about my salary, (2) asking for bribes to keep me out of jail, (3) suggesting my wife to put false allegations against me and put me behind bars.
I don't think any national citizen deserves to be in this phase. But unfortunately, these so-called law-makers and law-keepers do nothing except humiliating the people who deny to bribe them.